Don't Forget About Me
by Heart-Filled-Darkness
Summary: Mikida; There wasn't much meaning in Mikado's life anymore, with Kida gone he wasn't sure what to do. He felt regret for never telling him how he truly felt. Would he ever get the chance?


**Warning:** _This is a yaoi oneshot, don't like it? Then go away. I'm just rating this T to be safe. There's nothing bad, just a little mild language. _

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own Durarara! or any of the characters. Only this plot._

**A/N:** _I wrote this awhile back, and in only a day. I have no idea how I was able to do it, but heh I did. XD I love Mikida to bits so I tend to write oneshots about them a lot. _

_Enjoy! ^^_

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><p>How long had it been? How long would it be? Would these feelings ever go away? Would the pain in his heart ever heal? Why did he even have to feel this way? Why did this happen to him? He knew full well that he was in love, but why… why with his best friend? These feelings would never be returned, it was quite clear yet he still held onto them. As many times as he had tried to rid himself of them or try to forget, they just kept coming back. His heart wouldn't let him let go, and every day with these feelings it was so hard to just function. This kind of pain was almost unbearable yet he lived with it every day.<p>

The questions that swarmed in his head were most unanswered, it didn't matter how long or how hard he may think about them he could never figure out exactly why he had fallen in love with Kida.

Mikado smiled faintly to himself, "_Of course I know why…" _what was there not to like about Kida? He was energetic, caring, fun, loveable, and adorable; the list went on and on. Just thinking about the ball of energy made him smile. God he missed him so much. He missed Kida so much that it hurt. He missed the times they spent together just doing whatever, whether it be shopping, buying ice cream, or just hanging out at each other's apartment… he wanted it all back. He wanted to relive his memories, if only he could. Mikado would give anything for that, he'd give anything to have Kida back.

Unfortunately none of those things were possible. He didn't even know where Kida was and he hadn't even heard from him for months, to be honest he'd lost count of the days. Every day was just so painful without his best friend that he didn't really know what to do anymore. This love had driven him crazy, shoved him off the edge, he knew that it had made him depressed because he couldn't have Kida, this fact was so obvious. There was nothing he could do about it, he'd tried. He had tried so hard to forget, to move on, to try and find someone else to replace Kida, but that was simply impossible. Unimaginable. There was no one in this world that could replace Kida, and from the start Mikado knew this but he chose to live in denial.

For the longest time did he live that way, he forced himself to believe that he would be ok, that he would eventually forget and find someone else he could love.

How wrong was he…

He couldn't just forget about his best friend, the person he loved the most. How could he even try to do that? How could he even think about trying to replace someone who held practically all of his heart? The thought almost disgusted him now, but he had been so desperate for some way to cope. When in reality, it had made things worse; it had made him realize how much more he missed Kida. How much he regretted not telling him how he really felt before he left with that _girl._

There were so many times, so many chances he could have told Kida that he was in love with him. He could have done it, he could have told him, but it was because he was a coward that he didn't. He was afraid of rejection. He knew that Kida was in love with that girl, but he hoped that maybe… that maybe he was just with her so that it was easier to hide the fact that he might love Mikado back.

Those thoughts were extremely selfish and very false, but for a while that had been his hope. Once Kida left though, all his hopes, his dreams, they were shattered. Just like a mirror, the pieces flew away, far away. Once he had found out that Kida had gone, he could feel himself completely break down from the inside out. After only a week the reality of everything set in and that night of realization had he never cried so hard in his life.

Still even months later, nothing had changed, maybe he was a little bit stronger now and didn't cry as much but his love and how much he missed Kida had just grown stronger.

Mikado would do anything to bring him back to Ikebukuro, to bring him back to him. He would turn back the months just to have the chance again to tell Kida how he really felt, and he wouldn't mess it up. Even if he were rejected, at least Kida would know. At least there might have been a chance that he could have changed this destiny. That it would be Kida and him, not him losing Kida to someone else.

To be honest, he was sure by now that Kida had forgotten about him. Months had gone by since he had last heard from him, he had even disconnected his phone so that he couldn't call or text him… this had hurt a lot, but what could he do about that? He'd hoped that maybe Kida might write him a letter, postcard, or something… anything. Anything from Kida would make him so happy, to know that he hadn't been forgotten by the one person who meant the most to him.

Mikado still couldn't believe that after everything they had been through, that he just up and left without even telling him. The only way he had known was from Kadota who it seemed was the only one Kida had told. Why hadn't he told him? Did he know how badly it would hurt him? Did he not want to see Mikado's face when he told him that he would be leaving and probably never coming back? Why? Why had Kida done that to him? How could he not realize how much more it would hurt hearing it from someone else?

He didn't even get to say goodbye…

Being the supportive best friend that he was, he probably wouldn't have even stopped him. If it was something Kida wanted to do, if it would make him happy, then how could he try and stop him? He didn't want to take away Kida's happiness. He would never forgive himself for doing something as selfish as that.

Mikado could feel the tears coming to his eyes; thinking about this so much always hurt him. His heart was beginning to clench painfully, it was only a matter of time before he broke down again. Al though being in public he tried to not let his emotions get the better of him. The last thing he wanted to do was cry when there were people around.

He was actually on break; Mikado had gotten a part time job at a new café that had been built a few months ago. It was on corner a few blocks from Russia Sushi, from here he could sometimes hear Simon talking about how great the Sushi was. Mikado hadn't been in there in a long time, ever since before Kida left. He just couldn't go inside and not think about memories they had there.

Currently, he sat outside at a small metal table in front of the café. There weren't really many people, but it was getting late in the day so it was so surprise. Plus most people in Ikebukuro were always on the move. This was a fast paced city after all, no one really had time to sit down, it didn't seem like anyone had the time to just slow down and enjoy life. They were all so busy. Every day he worked, on his break he would come outside and people watch. It was entertaining sometimes since he didn't really have anything better to do, it was especially entertaining when Izaya and Shizuo were having one of their battles.

He'd heard that supposedly Izaya wasn't going to be in Ikebukuro anymore, but something must have happened that made him stay. He wasn't exactly friends with him, so he didn't really know what the story was. Though he heard a lot of rumors go around that it had something to do with Shizuo. He honestly wasn't really all that sure, but at least that was something that hadn't changed.

Mikado sighed as he leaned back in his chair and looked up at the sky; it was such a nice day. He wondered if where ever Kida was, the day was just as nice. He wondered if Kida happened to be looking up at the sky to, to think that it was the same sky as him was strange. Now that Kida was gone, he felt like he was in a different world. That he had a different sky. When they were together, it was the same, their worlds were the same, but now they were so far apart, so out of reach from each other.

_"What am I gonna do…?" _Mikado thought to himself. _"I can't keep on like this…" _his life felt like it was turning into a rut. The same thing every day really tired him out; everything had turned so bland that he couldn't even enjoy the things he used to anymore. He would still do things with his other friends like Anri, but they weren't as fun. Nothing was the same anymore, it was like the sun in the sky of his life had burned out and he was left in the cold and dark. Kida made everything so bright for him, and now that he was gone, nothing was the same.

There was actually a point where he had been angry with Kida for leaving. Kida had been the one to invite him to live here in the first place, and then he goes and leaves? How could he do something like that? How could he leave him and make his world so empty? How could he break his heart like this?

Eventually Mikado realized how childish the thoughts were and just forgot about them, but sometimes he would feel that way but it was never very often or for very long. He could never stay mad at Kida. No matter how hard he may try, it was just impossible.

Bringing him out of his thoughts was his cell phone; he could feel it vibrating in his pocket. He had half a mind to not even look at it, but it could be important for all he knew.

Mikado reached into his pocket to pull out his phone, he read the number that was calling him but didn't recognize it. He had half a mind to not even answer it since it was probably ether someone with the wrong number, a prank, or someone trying to sell him something. So he didn't really know why he pressed the connect button on his phone and held it to his ear.

"Hello?" his voice sounded horrible. He sounded pretty much dead, either that or a mix between pissed off and upset. Though he didn't really care right now what he sounded like.

_"What kind of tone of voice is that?"_

Mikado froze. That voice… it couldn't be… there was no way. "Who is this?" he instantly demanded. His heart began beating so quickly that it could have flown right out of his chest.

_"You've already forgotten? How could you Mikado-kun~!"_

He wanted to say that he was dreaming or that his ears were just making him hear the voice he wanted to hear. Was this a dream? This had to be a dream. This really couldn't be reality; there was no way… no way… "Tell me your name!" he sounded desperate, it was embarrassing, but he had to actually hear him say his name.

_"Hmmm~… how about I make you guess? That sounds like more fun!"_

"Just say it!" at this point he was yelling and on the near brink of tears. Others were looking at him but he didn't care right now, he just had to know for sure. It had been so long, he just had to know…

_"I'm you best friend! The one and only Masaomi Kida~!"_

Mikado snapped. He got up from where he was sitting and began running down the street to somewhere he could talk without feeling eyes on him. His tears were flowing freely now, how could Kida sound so happy? Why out of nowhere was he calling him? He didn't understand… his mind was thinking hundreds of different thoughts and telling him to say and ask different things that he couldn't even figure out what to say. The only thing he knew was that he had to get away from all these people.

"Why are you calling me?" Mikado finally asked after deciding upon asking that first. He was slightly breathless but didn't stop running; he had to find a place to go. He tried his best to hide his face from others who were surely giving him looks and thinking down upon him for running through the street.

_"Why else? Because I missed hearing your voice!" _his voice also began sounding like it was out of breath, but he didn't think much on it.

Mikado's mind had instantly told him that was a lie. Kida sounded way too happy to say something like that, but then again Kida pretty much always sounded happy. He still really couldn't believe that he was actually speaking to Kida, how long had it been? He still felt like this was a dream, but really hoped that it wasn't. There were so many things he wanted to tell him, but he didn't even know where to begin. He wasn't sure to be angry at him or just happy to hear his voice and know that he hadn't really forgotten about him.

"Yeah right, tell me the real reason you called me Masaomi." Without even really thinking about it he replied. He hadn't meant to sound angry, but his emotions were so conflicted right now that it was really hard to think straight.

_"Oh~! So formal now! What? Are you saying you didn't miss me?" _

Why did he never take things seriously? It was like he was completely oblivious to the pain Mikado had gone through for all these months that Kida had been away. He was almost hurt by his blatant disregard for his feelings. Once Mikado finally stumbled upon an old train station which was of course abandoned, he walked up the few concrete steps and sat down on the bench that faced the train tracks. He didn't realize how good it felt to be sitting down again. He took a few moments to try and compose himself before replying.

"Of course I missed you! I don't even remember how many months it's been since I last spoke to you!" As Mikado began to calm from running, his emotions decided to act up again. He was really speaking to Kida, this wasn't a dream… it was real… it really was. He couldn't believe how much he missed just simply hearing his voice. He wanted to just explode on Kida and tell him everything, but he kept it inside for now. He didn't want to say anything he might regret.

_"Yeah… look… Mikado-kun… I'm… I'm really sorry about not contacting you…"_

"It's alright! I understand." No, it wasn't all right. He didn't understand.

_"I just… I felt bad about leaving you without saying anything… I guess the guilt kinda started eating away at me."_

So he was calling him to clear his conscious? There was no way he really missed him then… he was calling him so that he didn't feel guilty about it anymore… Kida really had forgotten about him… how could he… how could he forget about his best friend? Mikado's breath caught in his throat and he quickly covered his mouth, silent tears began falling and he couldn't stop them. His heart couldn't take this; thoughts like these were slowly killing him, hurting him so deep that all he could do was cry. He felt embarrassed about crying over the phone but it barely mattered, he was more upset by the fact that Kida had really forgotten about him. That he really didn't mean anything to him anymore. How does one react to something like this except to just cry?

_"Mikado…? You ok?"_

He soon realized he hadn't said anything for quite a while; he was just trying to focus on not letting Kida hear him crying. Though it was so obvious, he felt ashamed.

"Y-Yeah!" he attempted to sound happy, but it was so clear he wasn't at all.

Kida also remained silent for a very long time, at first Mikado was beginning to assume that he might have hung up on him. Though when he sighed, his doubts were resolved.

_"Mikado, you're my best friend. I can tell when you're not alright. I really am sorry about not calling you or anything. I feel really bad about it. I didn't-"_

"Just stop!" he was snapping, breaking down. There was nothing he could do; he couldn't stop himself from letting go of all his thoughts. "If you're calling me just because you were guilty then why did you even leave without telling me in the first place? Do you even realize how badly that hurt? To hear from someone else that you were gone and no one had any idea where you went? That was so selfish Masaomi! How could you! You don't even realize how much I've missed you! My life hasn't been the same without you!" by now he was sobbing almost uncontrollably. "H-How could you just l-leave like that? And with that girl!" Mikado couldn't even control his emotions anymore; his thoughts were all but bursting to the surface of his voice, making them heard no matter what they may be.

"I've been so lonely without you! When you left everything became boring and lifeless! W-When I realized you were seriously gone, I sobbed! You have no idea how much I miss you being here with me! I hate that you left me! I hate that you hurt me! I hate you! I hate you so much!" trembles coursed through him as the vicious words left his mouth, too lost in emotions to realize what he was saying. "I hate that I'm in love with you! I hate it! I don't want to be in love with you! I want to hate you! I don't want to talk to you ever again! Did you call me just so you could hear something like this? Did you know I was going to just fall apart like this? Is it amusing you?"

_"Mikado! How could you say that? Why the hell would you hurting amuse me?"_

Mikado grew silent, Kida sounded almost pissed now. Regret began to instantly fill him; he'd said horrible things that he didn't even mean… the real horrible one was him…

_"… I didn't call you just out of guilt. I missed you. I really did. I felt like an asshole for leaving you, and hearing what it did to you makes me feel like an even bigger one… I… I made a mistake… and I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am… Mikado, I broke up with Saki. I left her because I realized I wasn't in love with her. I'm in love with you."_

"W-What?" Mikado almost couldn't recognize his voice anymore, it sounded so broken. Neither could be believe what he was hearing, Kida… loved him?

_"You know what; I was never in love with her. I just thought I was. I was joking myself because I never thought you would love me back, so I tried to date someone else to forget about you. I knew it wouldn't work, I knew I'd always love you. I could never imagine you loving me back… and to think that you did… I really feel stupid right now."_

Mikado began wiping at his eyes. "You s-should!" Kida had done the same thing he had tried to do; they had both tried to forget about each other because they thought that they would never love each other. So they were both trying to pretend. Mikado really wished this was a dream so that none of this had ever happened.

Kida laughed. _"Ha, yeah… I'm sorry Mikado, but I really do love you… I didn't mean to do this to you."_

Mikado actually was able to find it in himself to smile. Hearing Kida say that he loved him made every doubt in his mind completely disappear. Everything he had been thinking before began slipping away, he could feel his heart growing warm and repairing itself. "I love you too… I just wish you were here right now so that I could tell you…" he was embarrassed about admitted this, but it was true.

_"Well, why don't you get up off that bench and turn around."_

Mikado almost laughed. "How did you know I was sitting on a bench?"

"I dunno, lucky guess."

Mikado instantly turned his head to see Kida standing at the steps of the train station with a large smile on his face. Mikado slowly lowered his phone and stood up. "K-Kida-kun?"

Kida laughed. "The one and only!"

Mikado couldn't believe it, he was really here. He was here. Kida was here. More tears filled his eyes as he ran to his best friend. "Kida-kun!" he cried, when in front of him wrapping his arms around him and sobbing out of joy.

Kida wrapped his arms also around Mikado and continued to smile. "This time I won't be going anywhere. I won't leave you again Mikado."


End file.
